Playing the Field by C.J. Pinard

Author:C.J. Pinard [Pinard, C.J.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2015-01-15T05:00:00+00:00

Dear Miranda,

The crushing blow to my heart is still lingering in my chest. A blow I know I deserved, and that I know you are feeling too. Not telling you I was still in the Marines was a total dick move on my part. I pussied out when I should have manned-up, and for that, I will forever pay the price.

Yes I said “still” in the Marines. After high school, I immediately joined the United States Marine Corps. I had no doubt whatsoever that it was what I wanted to do – what I was meant to do. Like the blood that runs through my veins and the DNA that courses through it, the USMC is a part of me. I’m sorry that hurts you. I’m sorry that scares you. I’m sorry I haven’t had the nerve to tell you. If my commanding officer found out about this, he’d have my balls in a vice at this point, squeezing to the point of passing out. And I would deserve every ounce of pain.

I did four years with them, then I got out – with a lot of angst in that decision you must know – to pursue a degree in computers, thanks to the GI Bill. I knew my parents wouldn’t be able to afford four years of schooling at a state college. And why should they? I had been 22 at the time. It was time for me to venture out on my own. The degree from San Jose State is one of my proudest accomplishments.

But I’m more than proud to say I’ve done two tours of duty in Iraq and Afghanistan. Was that a war I agreed we should be fighting? I wasn’t sure. All I know is that the government told me to go somewhere, so I went. I saw horrible, awful – horrific things you cannot imagine, and things I will never, ever share with you. Miranda, you know I’m an open book. I will talk about anything. I think you know that, my queen. But there are horrors and atrocities that nobody should have to re-live or repeat. And I won’t. So please don’t ever ask me.

But then while I was in college, I was playing baseball for the college team. Why did I decide to play? A number of reasons. First being that I played baseball growing up. From the time I could hold a bat, my dad had me in baseball. I played through high school and loved it. But more than that, I realized much later that part of the reason I’d joined the team was because I missed the camaraderie of the Marine Corps. A tight-knit group of guys bent on having each other’s backs and protecting one another. A group of like-minded guys with one common goal. In the Marines it had meant staying alive and serving our country. On the team, it meant learning how to play the best we could, and winning.

I really, really need you to understand, Miranda, that winning isn’t everything to me.

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